Parade Magazine On Notice

Yep, a magazine's on notice now. Just remember, anyone and anything is up for any level of a threatdown at any time. You're never safe!

Anyway, in the latest installment of Parade magazine, they listed a lot of secular progressive propaganda. Things like "sex is good for you", "Socialized Medicine is a good idea", "Grow Young", "Hillary Clinton will win the election".

Wrong, Parade, wrong in every way. First of all, sex is bad, and should be avoided under penalty of death. Even married people shouldn't have sex. It's just that evil.

Second, socialized medicine is pure, unmitigated evil. If Baby Jesus wanted everyone to be healthy, he would've never given us disease (besides, it weeds out the weak). Youth is a very bad thing, and certainly you can never "grow young". If you even try, you'll die of a massive heart attack. Again, Baby Jesus' way of telling us to stop trying to mess with the natural order. The reason youth is bad: the young are stupid and squander their youth. Only the old should live everyone's lives. That's how it used to be, and that's how it should be.

Third, if Hillary Clinton wins the election, I'm moving to the moon (changing my "conquer the moon" goal to "colonize & conquer moon"), where I'll watch as the nuclear winter sets in.

Fourth, Marilyn (of "Ask Marilyn" fame) is the world's biggest intellectual, and that's just plain wrong! No one who has that high of an IQ (supposedly) should work at a pitiful magazine. The only time intellectualism is ever acceptable is when they're busy curing cancer or building a super-nuke that can kill everyone who subscribes to a certain, militant, Islamofascistic viewpoint (or is a secular progressive liberal hippie (but that's easy enough: bomb all the Starbucks during morning rush)). Since she's misusing her intelligence and is a pretty big secular progressive anyway, she's on double-notice (it's like a nail within a nail).

So, you're on notice. I'll monitor events to see if the magazine has even a hope of ever being saved. In the meantime, I ask that people boycott this publication and leave the liberalism out of the Sunday paper (after all, it's God's Day).

Pat Robertson

Well, Nation, after a little mix-up at the Colbert Nation, I've decided to do a little piece on Pat Robertson, the Greatest Preacher Ever (not to be confused with the GPE, GWB).

Well, little is known about Mr. Robertson (other than that he's not related to Mrs. Roberson of the Beatles fame). He's a patriot, that much is true. He continually makes Baby Jesus happy through is ministries, and is a sub-Architect in Architecturalism.

He was born in 1757 in Delaware (AKA first American state) by God, after God called out the Limeys because of their liking of tea, and has approximately 30% of Jesus' power. Basically, he's allergic to nails and lacks Jesus' staying power when around them.

Pat is a proud supporter of our troops, and has even served a record 42 terms in Iraq (simultaneous terms because he can clone himself). He's fought in every war since the Revolutionary war (some have confuse him with Gen. Washington. He is Gen. Washington), and has lead this Nation to greatness time and again.

Above that, he's a strict prohibitionist (never touched alcohol in his life), and strict celibate (his children are of equally divine origin). His wife is a resurrected Mary Magdalane (Virgin Mary doesn't like people named "Pat"), and she's a very big fan as leader of the men-only Bible group. She can preach so loud, you can hear it in the bell tower.

Pat currently leads several missions to Jerusalem, where he'll complete his world-famous "Seven Thousand Foot-tall Steeple", which will house a 1000-foot tall Jesus statue made entirely out of gold (no frankincense and myrrh could be found in such vast quantities). Current estimates place it as costing 2 million after-church brunches and 66 6-hour funding telethons. It will be built through "faith, charity and infidels (labor)", and will be completed as soon as "God grants" and "so long as God doesn't grant me another vision" (we all know how divine intervention just destroys your building plans with massive upgrades for that very necessary series of plasma tvs and 7.1 surround sound throughout the building).

Pat's ultimate goal in life is to succeed RTA (me) as the second Architect. After that, he plans to "revamp" Architecturalism with some "very necessary, but secret" improvements (along the lines of saving every non-Architecturalist out there and waging a massive holy war against the FSM). For this, he's punitively "On Notice" until he apologizes to Baby Jesus.

Clot of Cheney

Lately, it seems Vice GPE(!) Cheney has had all the bad luck. From his various heart attacks to his misaligned rifle scope, he's been in some tough spots. However, this last week has been especially hard on him.

From Islamofacists trying to blow him up (don't they know he's invincible?) to those 65 hours on a plane, he's had a tough time. So, let's welcome him back to God's Country and remind him that he's perfectly safe in the Cave (the only underground bunker superior (in only the smallest way) to the ColCave (Dr. Colbert's underground bunker. The Cave is superior in that it is a smaller word, and has a nanometer more shielding around it (Dr. Colbert opted instead to gold-plate the door to his own private room)).

In the meantime, let's bring out Mr. Cheney's clone, the "Prime Minister of Australia", to cover for him. Surely Australia won't totally plunge into chaos in the weeks it would be without it's Cheney Clone, it would only mostly plunge into chaos. Well, God's Country's bigger and more important, so we subvert Australia's "independence" to enact an Architectuaral Order: Release your Cheney Clone to us, or all Architecturalists will put you On Notice.

That's right, my fellow Architecturalists. We're calling out Australia. They have 2 weeks to give us their Prime Minister, or we're putting them On Notice. If, by the time Mr. Cheney's fully recovered, they haven't even apologized, Australia is Dead to Us.

State of the Blog 002

Well, Archinistas, it's time for another "SotB", making this the second in an unknown series of blog updates. As a reminder, here's what it's all about:

From time to time, I'll post an update on what I plan to do with my blog, Architecturalism, any and all websites I create (ie the official ones), and anything else I feel pertains to the above. These updates happen pretty much whenever I feel like disclosing information or hyping up support for a new thing I plan to do. Any and all deadlines are not written in stone, and will be modified whenever it's apparent I'll miss a deadline.

Now, the websites I planned to create will be postponed. I do this because I was graced with an unprecedented 50-hour work week. While the little Party member in me dances, the Architecturalist in me (liberal hippie-type he tends to be at times. Don't worry, I'll soon kill the little bugger and we'll be 110% Party-oriented (instead of 101%)) whines that I really should work on the website and maybe even leave the house for a purpose other than work. As though there's anything else to do...

Second, I'm making a new theme (for Windows) that's patriotic and proud to no fault. It'll feature things I've... borrowed from the Internets (mostly the Republican Internet) and arranged in an star-spangled theme. I plan for it to have custom cursors (who likes the original pointer anyway? Who wouldn't like Lady Liberty pointing the way around these Internets?), a nice desktop wallpaper (bald eagle in front of flag, what more can I say?), a screensaver (with patriotic music in the background), and finally, a replacement boot screen (this'll be toughest to do, but worth it). Can you say "Freem"?

Third, those banners I plan to make are coming along nicely. I'll have them done as soon as I can get into Photoshop again (banned by the liberals for cropping my face onto the body of my future self. As though they can't tell that it's Wikiality, fools!).

Fourth, I realize that I really must re-do this blog's layout. It's fine and all, but seriously, it doesn't have enough gravitas to suit me. I need to really get my banners going and really give this place the uber-ballz it deserves to have (sure, bronze balls of steel are fine, but any more, it seems like they don't shine as much to me).

Fifth, I'll tell you all a secret. As an Architecturalist (and more importantly, the Architect), I can rather well decide what aspects of religion we can do around here. So, I'm announcing to you all (instead of threatening you like a lot of lesser religions) that we will participate in the usual Christian rite of Lent. Nothing big, just give something up for 40 days (and eat as much fish as you can handle. No, sushi doesn't count, it's un-American), and nights and weekends are free (better yet, nights start at 6pm, a full hour before Sprint says so! Days start at 6 am, however)! Now, doesn't that make us a better religion than the inferior Flying Spaghetti Monster deal?

For Lent (re-named Spring Sacrifice), I'm giving up nailing SPs (it's too much work walking around town nailing people left and right (mostly left)). Fortunately, nights and weekends are free, so the threatdown isn't relaxing all that much, mind you. There will also be an exception for obvious Secular Progressivism, so don't be too liberal (better yet, don't be a liberal). My nail gun will still be with me, but I'll only have one clip of nails...

Lastly, I'm declaring a threatdown against Avery, the bloggist who pretends s/he knows what Dr. Colbert is talking about (and operates the Colb-blog). I've had enough going to the site (still a great site) and finding that every other paragraph will end with "That's what I'm talking about!". Seriously, if you had a gut, you'd know that if people don't know what you're talking about after reading an entire paragraph, you obviously wouldn't have to tell people what you're "talking about".

Your "Diet Coke" revelation was so gutless, it just angers me. Only weak-minded liberals drink diet soda! True, Traditionalist Republicans drink only regular soda, (black) coffee (although it could be white, since I don't see color, gender, religion, or much of anything), and energy drinks. We never drink water, diet soda (wannabe water), tea (urine-water hybrid), milk (it comes from the teat of an animal, and that's not right!), or (the worst of them all) "nutritional drinks" (diet shakes, fitness water, etc).

About your mother prying your fingers from the keyboard, since when have you had two hands on the keyboard? Just a harmless question, after all...

Anyway, Avery's getting called out. I look forward to him posting on here, so I can delete his attempts to nail me. It's only fitting after all... Just for him, I'm going to load up my nail gun with a fresh clip.