Friday, January 19, 2007

About Me

The perennial WIP (Work In Progress), this will try to describe me as eloquently as possible without sounding a bit "off".

I am Rob, The Architect. Some people have wondered if the blog name means that I literally "rob" "The Architect" (whom some may take as God or maybe Dr. Colbert) of some power (being that I'm a programmer, I suppose it would mean that I robbed God of his divine abilities to create things or something). Well, if you want that to be your meaning, go for it. I like double entendres and find them to usually work out better than the intended meaning.

For instance, it's almost a compliment (were it not heretical) to call me an Architect (note the capital 'A', which signifies a divine ability) of code (or Code if you want to call it that). It speaks to my great level of programming skill (which I lack as I'm rather a beginning student than a master of the art of programming).

Some people call me Bob (doesn't bother me), others Jim or Melissa (the "Internets" are a vast and wonderous place). Some call me RTA (Rob The Architect, where I get my blog's name), others call me crazy, and some just call me to dinner (reference to the greatest Spongebob episode ever, the one with Super Wenie Hut Jr.). Just don't call me Canadian.

Yes, I hate Canadians. Why? Because we all need a fictional enemy. "But RTA, Canadians are real". You haven't been to my own personal world, the world created by the truthiful feeling in my gut (Dr. Colbert's definition of Truthiness: truth that you feel with your gut, not know in your mind. It is a reference that what we feel should be more important that mere facts. Both he and I don't like books, they're too facty. We like truthy stuff, like the Colbible (the only approved book so far) and the Internets (read above)). In my gut, I know that Canada doesn't exist. The people there are just Americans who have lost their way. We can still take them back, we just have to remind them how great America is. With any luck, when they return they'll be members of the Party, not commie liberal hippies like they now tend to be.

The "Internets" is a misuse of Sen. Ted's (of Alaska) misuse of the word "Internet". My definition says that there are several "Internets", or sub-cultures of the actual Internet. They span many sites and domains/servers. They are comprised of personal websites, forums, galleries, blogs, etc. Ex. The "nerd Internet", the "pr0n Internet" (most visited one, by the way), the "Emo internet" (note the lowercase i: it denotes its vast inferiority and evilness), etc.

Also, I'm a member of the Party. What Party is this? Only the Party of the greatest President EVER! That would be the Republican Party. Now, I'm not a neo-conservative. My name is not Mark Foley, I don't date underage boys; and I'm not Ann Coulter, a closeted lesbian who likes to throw Jesus around like a toy. I'm more of a Reagan-era individual (if my understanding is correct). I believe in personal liability, but to a point. In Reaganomics, but also in a moderate level of personal investing that everyone needs to do.

Now, this "new" idea (which is really an old one): that we're personally responsible to a point is so controversial, the only people who think of it are those who think. It only makes sense. No Welfare if you can work, no Supplimental Security Income (SSI) if you are faking it (obviously). No free marijuana for the hippies, and no pity parties about people who are using Federal funds to leave New Orleans to go to California after "liberating" some plasma TVs. I save my pity for the people who truly did lose everything in that war (the War on Katrina :P) and who honestly want to rebuild. If you're from New Orleans and agree with me: that people who high-tailed it out of there don't deserve as much Federal assistance as those who still live in NO, comment here and let your voice be heard. It's time we let the "liberators of TVs" off Federal assistance so that the honest, hard-working folks can get back to living.

If you're a "liberator of TVs" and want some money, how about selling the plasma tv? You can easily get a few grand for one of them. If you left NO but didn't get any TVs, then you can have some Federal assistance (enough to get you a loan and food for a few months). Anyone who disagrees with me and thinks that the "liberators" and "fleers" should get the exact same amount of Federal assistance as the Heros who live in New Orleans can pack their bags and report to Gitmo, because it's un-American to give people who abandoned their friends and family to live in a mansion in California.

Now, I realize that not every "fleer" or "liberator" is living high off the hog. In fact, there's a few NO folk who go to school around where I live, and they certainly aren't living the good life. These people were merely displaced, they didn't leave at the first sign of hard times. They looked at the situation and said "We can't live like this" and went to somewhere nice like Maine or Oregon. These people are heros in their own right.

Now, about personal politics (after all, this blog is going to be a combination of political humor, politics, Colbertism, nerd stuff, and jokes). Marriage is a religious institution. It always has been and always will be. This "same sex marriage" stuff isn't a marriage. I know of no old-time (older than 50 years) religion that accepts these sort of unions under God. We seem to forget that God gave us the religious institution of marriage to signify a bond under His will.

This isn't to say I'm overly opposed to civil unions. You deserve to be happy (I suppose...) (lol), just don't call it marriage. Just because you founded a religion to call it marriage doesn't mean you should call it that. 90% of religious institutions prohibit civil unions for same sex couples. Note, that figure includes all religious institutions, including - but not limited to - cults and other small-time things. The "real" religions, those older than time (those at least several American generations old), all prohibit this stuff.

So, quit offending me and my sensibilities by calling it marriage! Dr. Colbert didn't die on the "Late Night with Conan O'Brian" show for you to offend his religion! If you have to do this, call it a civil union. It doesn't take anything away from it because it's nothing you'd ordinarily subscribe to (I know of no homosexual people who are devoutly religious. It seems to be a requirement in their community... Yes, I know quite a few (like I said "the Internets are a vast and wonderful place"), something like a few dozen or so (it happens when your ex-girlfriend has so many homosexual friends that you have to wonder if Peggy Sue is just her friend...)).

I'm a bit of a believer in Stephenological Colbertism. It's the believe system centered around Dr. Colbert and his own beliefs (and consequentially the beliefs of the Party). For instance, virginality is something redeemable (because we all make mistakes, and if you didn't enjoy it, you should be able to repent and get your virginality back). Also, the Party is right at all times, except for when it's wrong (which is never!).

Now, about virginality. I've had and lost his virginality a total of -42 times (yes, negative). How? Well I'm the typical Party member, we pass up every opportunity, then repent at the mere desire to have a thought about even dreaming about dating someone (as far as sleeping is concerned, we Party members sleep on a bed of rusty nails, something the ladies tend not to like. Of course, as we never date anyone (the more "leftist" of us date only Party members), this never comes up in a relationship). My goal in life is to be like Dr. Colbert, who - despite being married and having 3 kids - is still completely and utterly virginal. He did this all without needing to repent ever (immaculate conception?).

Finally, to my ex-girlfriend Carmen Electra (yes, a Party member, although since she never admits it, I know there'll be some naysayers. Just trust me, I dated her after all - before she was famous): you missed out on a good opportunity here. Why don't you just admit the facts and realize that I've moved on? It was 10 years ago, when will you stop pining over me after a night of drunken revelry?

I plan to write an entry whenever I feel like it. I once planned a weekly schedule, then realized my own thoughts are too fast for my fingers. So, rather than slowing my thoughts down to accomodate my fingers, I will just write whatever I feel like whenever I feel like it. Don't you just hate how fast and organized my Party-oriented mind is? Whenever we give up on ideas like pr0n, our minds speed up. It's been proven that Party members (or those who emulate them in virginality) think faster and more clearly than non-Party members. Just try it for a while (say, 6 months), you'll come out of it thinking so clearly, you'll wonder where the liberals get their crazy ideas.

The Real Me

Why I mention this: because my last blog failed because people couldn't tell that it was fiction, so a countless number of people got together and spammed it to death.

Also known as "legal notice that this is only Wikiality, not reality".

Rob The Architect is like Dr. Colbert: a character based off the ideas of the person. An extension to the extreme of the person's ideologies and behaviors. Don't take anything said on here too seriously. While it does in some way represent myself and my political self, it does so in a cartoonish manner. I am a fairly open-minded and decent person.

I don't have a problem with Dr. Colbert, and don't take him seriously. It's just a set of jokes to prove the incompetence of the Administration and make fun of (while still proclaiming the good of) the Party.

Also, the real me doesn't know Carmen Electra from before she was famous or anything like that. If her lawyer would like me to remove her name and all references, just send me an e-mail and I'll get to it (I doubt they will, since I'm not going to be wierd with my jokes and will just make it look like a supermodel is pining after an old, fat Party member she knew back in Junior High). I also don't date Party members only (admittedly, I probably would if only there were extremely few female Party members who aren't crazy. Alas, the majority of Party ladies are insane (Ann Coulter) :'( ).

As far as virginality is concerned, the issue is moot. As a Party member in real life, it's a bit outside of my bounds to confront my virginality before marriage (and then, even after. Dr. Colbert is famous for being the first person to retain their virginality completely after marriage).

E-mail address is at the top of the page.

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