Friday, February 2, 2007

State of the Blog 001

Well, Nation (if I may be so informal), I'm here to do a State of the Blog. This is the first SotB I've done for this site, so if you're lost, I'll fill you in.

A SotB address is like the SotU that the President gives every year. The only exception: I do mine whenever I feel like it. Namely this happens when I've a lot of stuff I'm planning to do, when I've done a lot (sort of a review of what happened), or when I get bored and want to write something, but don't have anything in particular to write about (sort of a general entry on whatever fills my head. These entries are long and as disorganized as the DNC).

This SotB is one of those "planning to do" entries.

First up, I plan to make a website dedicated to you, the heroes, featuring information about me, the Architect. It will have information about me (including my deepest, darkest secret), about Dr. Colbert, and about Republicanism (mainly why it's the only way Baby Jesus approves of).

Second, I'll make a website about Architecturalism. Believe it or not, BJ is still giving me tons of ideas. Thanks to His divine Providence (no, not the city), none of it conflicts! That just proves that the Baby Jesus wants to see Architecturalism come to light (instead of the dark).

Third, I'm going to go around preaching Architecturalism. It's not a difficult religion, really. In fact, were it not for the inclusion of Dr. Colbert and the list of Hated Beings, it'd barely be different from 101% of your other standard religions (namely worship BJ and the Party), like Stephenolgical Colbertism and Republicanism. Of course, it's somewhat different from your "human" religions (like Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, and Atheism (pure evil)). In fact, just to make sure we jive well with your "human" religions, I talked to a priest, who had this to say:

Architecturalism will surely destroy the Church. There's nothing more evil than a religion that accepts everyone (except straight heterosexuals, gay homosexuals, liberal secular progressives, democrats, and members of the FSM religion), and only wants us all to get along (unless you're part of the above groups). Especially your "no donations" policy. How do you expect to fund a religion without stealing... er... accepting donations from the members? Worst yet, you make a mockery out of Jesus. You do realize He grew up, don't you? Then to claim He didn't die to save us all, but that a second offering (by Dr. Colbert) was needed? You're just a blasphemous fool who wants to hide his secularism.
-Rev. Rayford Steele, militant Protestant
At this point, Reverend Steele was disrupted by a thunderous boom, a voice from the heavens. Soon after, Rev. Steele converted to Architecturalism, and his church (of 15 people) all converted. Score one for the Archies! By the way, the statements in parenthesis () were added by me to add some clarification.

So, these 15 people will help me spread the word. Unfortunately, they're all somewhat older than 95 years old, and all in a personal care home, stricken with Alzheimer's. Even Rev. Steele could be found in that home, making his claims of conversion speculative at best...

Anyway, the fourth thing I'm going to do is make some pictures. I've already downloaded some patriotic images, and will now do my best to Photoshop some slogans in there. Basically, I'll have the text transparent over the image, yet still highly visible; or I'll incorporate it into the image wherever possible. Some examples include:
Left: That which remains.
Left: That which is not right.

Democracy: Rule by the people.
Democrat: Rule the people.

Liberty: Freedom of self.
Liberal: Freedom of me.

That which is not Right is left.

Every time you vote Democrat, an eagle loses it's wings.

If you're in God's Country, shouldn't you fight in God's War, and live by God's Rules?

The 10 Commandments, the only laws we really need.

Blue: the color of sadness.
Red: the color of Baby Jesus' blood.
There'll be more to come, and as always, your suggestions are welcome.

Fifth, I might stop incorporating so much Dr. Colbert information here. I do this for two reasons. First, the show has lost it's edge. It's predictable and simplistic compared to the original stuff. I sadly admit that I only applaud and cheer for the show during the first few minutes, rather than the entire episode. The interviews are just too much, and there's too many facts in there for me (and this is supposedly coming from someone (Dr. Colbert) who hates facts). Second, I left a comment on the site one day, and it was deleted. I don't mind this, as the entire comment was essentially an advertisement for this blog (unfortunately, my form-filler (still in beta) filled out an extra message, causing me to post a third message to get the first & third deleted; entirely discrediting me and this blog). So, I do apologize to the Colbert Nation for my blatant self-marketing, however I did it in the spirit of Colbertism, so it isn't so bad.

I'm not boycotting the show, rather I'm not going to watch it because of the first reason (the second reason I listed because I felt it needed to be said. It has nothing to do with my decision to stop watching the show, because as I said above: I acted like a moron with my self-marketing). In fact, I urge you all to continue watching the Report, it's still a good show, but it just doesn't work for me anymore. Hopefully in time this will change, because this very blog here is still funny to me (the Truth is sometimes funny), so I've obviously not lost the desire to laugh at liberals.

Sixth, I must finish work on a few programming jobs. My one DB-oriented game is far behind schedule (about 3 months behind), my console-based game is at a standstill, my chat server is really behind (mostly because I'm still waiting for the server to ship in), my web/file server is just sitting there (because I'm saving up to purchase a router to link chat/web/file servers together). Further, my work on a few web pages is behind and my work on a few custom files for an old game of mine (always support the old stuff to hook the initiated into your new stuff) is about 2 years behind (there's no formal schedule, but I started work more than 2 years ago).

Seventh, I'm going to take a break after this. I've got a lot of studying to do, and have to seriously fix my job (my full-time job, which takes a lot of time out of my week. Not to be confused with my programming job(s) which take up whatever free time I have while I code to make more money. I hope to single-handedly balance the national budget by donating my entire wages for this year to the government). As a Party member, I pride myself in having a great job with high productivity. However, I've often found myself slowing down whilst thinking about TCR or this blog. That's not good for America, so I'll sacrifice this blog (temporarily, of course) in order to support our troops and fight terrorism!

Also, my ex-girlfriend (Carmen) keeps bothering me, so I'll need some time in court to file a restraining order. Then my new girlfriend (name withheld) want some "alone time" (remember, I'm a Party member, so we won't do anything weird), meaning she wants to spend time with me offline and in person (regrettably, the girlfriend Internets requires you to meet the person before they ship her...).

Finally, I need sleep. Fighting secular progressivism is slowly tiring me out. Running around declaring threatdowns on liberals, indiscriminately killing hippies, and trying to save the world is just too much for one non-Colbert person. If I were the true son of Dr. Colbert (rather than adopted step-son #42 of Tek Jansen), this would be possible. However, as I'm not, I need a break from nailing liberals. Don't ask me how Dr. Colbert does it, but I'm personally battle-weary.

So, in conclusion, I've got a few websites to get up and running, some programming projects to complete, some banners to create, a religion to spread, a doctrine to uphold, and a girlfriend to appease (note to readers: get an uber-low maintenance girlfriend, like SoS Dr. Condoleezza Rice or Jill). Only then can I sleep before re-joining the battle against SPs and liberals.

Hopefully this won't take long, as if left unchecked, SPs and liberals (or worse-yet, liberal SPs) will destroy the world. If any of you would like to help in the Cause, go for it.

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