Saturday, January 27, 2007

Archbishop of NAILED

Nation, I've met someone I'm immediately proclaiming the first Archbishop of NAILED (Nailing the Allegedly Insane Liberal Episcopalianly Diseased).

Here is an American who fights daily for the Truth. While he or she (I don't know, I only see Americans divided into liberals and Party Members, not gender, race, religion, ethnicity, country of origin, or any of the other "fancy stuff" you non-Colbinistas see (like what country they actually do live in and call their own. You're all Americans in my book!)) knows it or not, they're fighting alongside their oppressed brethren/sisteren of Architecturalism.

See, we Architecturalists are often the most oppressed for our beliefs, because no one understands them. How could they, they don't understand the Truth, and without that, there's nothing we can do to help. They look at us, and mock us.... especially our sexual preferences (asexuality (Architecturalism's foundation) is a joke to them, and the thought of proper bisexuality (the only alternative to asexuality) is abhorrent to them). Worse yet, they look at our hatred (not fear, for we don't fear anything but Dr. Colbert's and God's wrath and fury) of bears, bees, dogs, lobsters, owls, and sharks; and think we're insane for calling them "killing machines". Just because they can't understand the Truth doesn't mean it's not true (especially if my gut says it's so).

Now, as first Archbishop of NAILED, his/her/it's responsibility will be to uphold the Truths we find self-evident (that God and Dr. Colbert exist, asexuality is the only true path, the Hated Ones (listed above) are "killing machines" and that Tek Jansen will be our ultimate messiah (for you Christian converts, consider Him to be Jesus, just with a different name), and that the Party is the only acceptable party), and to spread the word of Architecturalism (and to... you know... not get into a jihad with any other religions/cults/factions, except secular progressives, Atheists and liberal hippies who fail to see the Truth).

In order to help him/her/it out, I'm issuing it/her/him my golden nail gun. Use it wisely to nail the opponents of our faith and the nay-sayers who want to see our belief mocked on MSNBC. You also are granted (by me, the first Pope of Architecturalism, AKA The Architect) to issue or revoke balls or Thatchers to anyone who you think can help us in our great cause. When you do, just be sure to e-mail me with it (should be at the top of the page) so I can keep a running count of all the converts to our righteous religion.

If you'd like, you can even CGI your own graphic to make your own shirts, badges, etc. to give to people. Feel free to make your own fliers and whatnot to educate to a broader audience. Just be sure to e-mail a copy of anything you make to me so that I may nail it if it's counter-Party or just plain offensive.

Though you may give a person the Truth, it will satisfy their gut for only a day, but if you teach a person the Truth (and thusly to tell the Truth), you satisfy their gut for all eternity. Go forth and make Truth-tellers of people; and may Dr. Colbert and God be with you!

1 comment:

quaz4eva said...

hellos there! thank you for your encouraging comments left at my blog a few days ago. :) sorry abt the grammer; i can write properly, granted, but i have to cater to the youth readers out there (who are in my church ministry) by blogging in a somewhat compromised language to relate to them. i know it sounds kinda degratory, but if you've worked with youths, you'd know it matters. :)

i am flattered by your high ratings of my blog-writing, and am affirmed of my writing abilities hahaha. in any case, i'd be more than happy if you would keep reading. God knows how many other strangers are reading as well. i am just glad to be able to reach out to someone thru the blog.

Thanks! [the newly appointed Architect]