Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Parade Magazine On Notice

Yep, a magazine's on notice now. Just remember, anyone and anything is up for any level of a threatdown at any time. You're never safe!

Anyway, in the latest installment of Parade magazine, they listed a lot of secular progressive propaganda. Things like "sex is good for you", "Socialized Medicine is a good idea", "Grow Young", "Hillary Clinton will win the election".

Wrong, Parade, wrong in every way. First of all, sex is bad, and should be avoided under penalty of death. Even married people shouldn't have sex. It's just that evil.

Second, socialized medicine is pure, unmitigated evil. If Baby Jesus wanted everyone to be healthy, he would've never given us disease (besides, it weeds out the weak). Youth is a very bad thing, and certainly you can never "grow young". If you even try, you'll die of a massive heart attack. Again, Baby Jesus' way of telling us to stop trying to mess with the natural order. The reason youth is bad: the young are stupid and squander their youth. Only the old should live everyone's lives. That's how it used to be, and that's how it should be.

Third, if Hillary Clinton wins the election, I'm moving to the moon (changing my "conquer the moon" goal to "colonize & conquer moon"), where I'll watch as the nuclear winter sets in.

Fourth, Marilyn (of "Ask Marilyn" fame) is the world's biggest intellectual, and that's just plain wrong! No one who has that high of an IQ (supposedly) should work at a pitiful magazine. The only time intellectualism is ever acceptable is when they're busy curing cancer or building a super-nuke that can kill everyone who subscribes to a certain, militant, Islamofascistic viewpoint (or is a secular progressive liberal hippie (but that's easy enough: bomb all the Starbucks during morning rush)). Since she's misusing her intelligence and is a pretty big secular progressive anyway, she's on double-notice (it's like a nail within a nail).

So, you're on notice. I'll monitor events to see if the magazine has even a hope of ever being saved. In the meantime, I ask that people boycott this publication and leave the liberalism out of the Sunday paper (after all, it's God's Day).

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